I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
