I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
