i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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