I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
