nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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