I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
