i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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