getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
