Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
