Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
