dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
