I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
