All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
