i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
