i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
