so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
