You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
