I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
