if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
