i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
