all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
