It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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