I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
