Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
