what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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