you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
