We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
