and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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