I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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