I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
