Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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