Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
