Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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