Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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