If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
