she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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