BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
