I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
