Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
