Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
