ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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