Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
