You just made me feel so damn special
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
