Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
