you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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