there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
