i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
