apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
