Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
