actually, I'm a sock model
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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