oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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