I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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