Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
