ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
