I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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